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Stay Connected in your Relationship

How to stay connected in my relationship? 

 
When we talk about relationships, we often first think of them from a romantic standpoint. However, there are multiple types of relationships to consider when the topic of relationships is brought up. A relationship is defined as the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected. In order to connect two individuals will have to put forth effort to achieve a common goal. For example, if you and a co-worker work as a team to create couples counseling services that is affective for couple then you have created a connection that develops into a relationship. For the sake of this blog we will focus more on romantic relationships and how to continue to build upon connections for success in romantic relationships. 

Hardships in Romantic Relationships


While it's common to fight or bicker in most relationships, sometimes relationships can be toxic and leave a person feeling insecure or scared. Here are some signs that you are in a negative relationship: 

·      You can’t identify any ways you’ve positively influenced each other. For example, you haven’t adopted any of each other’s interests or taught each other any new skills.
·      Lack of trust.
·      Hostile atmosphere. ... 
·      Your partner implies that they only value you for one thing, whether it be sex, your looks, or your ability to earn money. 
·      Constant judgment.
·      Persistent unreliability.
·      Nonstop narcissism.
·      You can identify ways you've negatively influenced each other, particularly harmful habits like heavy drinking, laziness, or smoking.
·      You end up doing things you’re ashamed of in the course of interacting with each other, such as screaming at each other in front of your kids.
Every relationship goes through its ups and down at some point throughout the journey. How do successful couples manage conflict in a positive way? What approach is the best in order to reduce the aggression and arguments within the relationship? Many of these type of questions have been studied by Gottman Institute as one of the leaders in the area of couples counseling. Gottman continues to provide science-based guidance into the habits of the healthiest, happiest couples — and how to make any struggling relationship better.  

What Works for Couples


In positive relationships, each individual purpose should be to attempt to communicate appropriately. This form of communication involves being open and honest with each other at all cost. Many couples refrain from being completely transparent with one another in the attempted to avoid arguments or hurt feelings. This only provides tension in the relationship that ultimately leads to pushing further away from the common goal and not closer to it. Stress checks and management of intense emotions is another key factor in building and maintaining strong positive relationships. Having a clear understanding of how your behavior changes during difficult spells of emotions is vital in teaching your partner how to react to your behavior during these times. The power to compromise in situations by displaying the ability to taking a step back and let things go will help tremendously through the course of any type of relationship. Sometimes a good compromise is as simple as keeping your mouth closed. It can be best just to say nothing and let it go. If you can’t help yourself from getting mad, take a break by heading out to the gym, reading a book, playing with the dog or calling a friend — anything to get off a destructive path. Keeping positive views of your partner have a way of helping the brain focus on what is important.

Take some time to try this relationship checkup tool to see where your relationship is at this point in time.  

At the end of the day the most important thing is the happiness of the individual, the couple/marriage, and the family. “The most important thing we’ve learned, the thing that totally stands out in all of the developmental psychology, social psychology and our lab’s work in the last 35 years is that the secret to loving relationships and to keeping them strong and vibrant over the years, to falling in love again and again, is emotional responsiveness,” says Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist in Ottawa and the author of several books, including Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.

Alpha Beta Behavioral provides couple counseling services with the focus on getting couples to a place of happiness. It is our belief that emotional responsiveness is one of the key factors to maintaining a happy relationship. Our program teaches skills to build upon positive emotions and behaviors. If your relationship needs a fine tune, is broken, or if you need someone to help sustain the happiness in your relationship check out www.alphabetabehavioral.com for more information.


Book Check:

An Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us / Edition 1


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Location: Bakersfield, CA, USA

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